Thursday, November 03, 2005
So much for nursery rhymes
As little girls we’d always pray
Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
But this blue-eyed girl
Couldn’t make you stay
And it’s always raining
When you’re away
Ph.D.s in Breaking Hearts
I hope you’re happy with her and
I hope you whisper sweet things in her ear
The same things you once said to me
In the heat of some dark moment we shared
And I hope she buys it
Because those phrases are nothing but lies.
Maybe one day you’ll realize that breaking hearts is no way to make a living in this world.
You’ve made failed relationships your profession so effortlessly.
Tell me, does it pay well? And will it ever end?
Maybe one day you will realize that you can’t mend your broken heart
With shards of all the others
College is Meant for This
Something in your eyes just didn’t seem right
And as I crossed the expanse in your room
That separated me and you,
“This is it, this is over,” you said.
And as you stood there
Filling my head with failed dreams,
I felt my eyes form pools that
Were filling too quickly and
In that very instant I turned from you
Let my footsteps drown out your speech…
I stopped at the door as the rivers crashed down my cheeks
Turned back to you and wiped those streaks
Out of my mouth flew pieces of my breaking heart
“Thanks for nothing,
You meant everything to me.”
Morning Thoughts
Sunlight scatters my dreams
Waking me from slumber
Next to me your breath is quiet
I smile to myself
You look so peaceful, so beautiful,
So perfect.
The sight of you makes me want
To stop time in its place
So I could be in this moment forever
You by my side
Sharing the same air as mine
Our hearts synchronizing their beats
Your eyes closed to view sweet dreams
Every day I’m falling even more in love
With you.
Things We'll Never Know
We’ll be here until the end of time
But I can’t see past today
This morning I fell out of love
But tonight I will return
I always do.
I am entranced by your eyes and
Your way of thinking.
We’ll flow forever in
Maybes
And always question why but
We’ll die never knowing.
We won’t be bothered by our disregard
For each other
Because imagining the possibilities
Is more fun anyway…
We find joy in the pain we cause ourselves
These are our lives.
Played out by our days,
And the moments we spend together
(Not together in a material sense
But in nearness)
Together
Wanting for everything
But acting on nothing
We’ll be here until the end of time.
Soulmates
I’ve bled my heart dry
In thinking of this
Emotions are staggering and
I’ve lost my drive to try
For every two steps forward
We’re taking five steps back
Stop asking me to break myself in half
For things that don’t exist
We’ll always look at each other
The same way
I’ll fall in love with you all over again
Every time I see you
Every day, the same way
I wish I could just stay grounded
But I lift off every time
Take a trip into your eyes
And my heart remains bled dry
My blood is on your hands
But you soak it up and
Run with it
Not a killer at all but
A carrier for my independence
A piece of me
Flowing through your veins
And I am living through you
And while separate
We are one.
I'll Hide Forever in Fake Smiles
I’ve come to realize that happiness will only ever be found
Within myself.
I’ll hate you for the rest of our lives because you
Compromise my smiles
Instead of instigating them
That which you, after all, should do
You love me, don’t you?
And isn’t that what lovers do?
Make each other smile? Laugh?
Give each other a shoulder to lean on
And pleasures to make each other giddy?
You love me, don’t you?
If you do, then I don’t think I quite understand your actions.
You’d make me cry before a smile ever broke across my tear-streaked face
Because that’s just you
You’ll never make any kind of effort to make me happy
I’ll just have to do it myself.
As little girls we’d always pray
Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
But this blue-eyed girl
Couldn’t make you stay
And it’s always raining
When you’re away
Ph.D.s in Breaking Hearts
I hope you’re happy with her and
I hope you whisper sweet things in her ear
The same things you once said to me
In the heat of some dark moment we shared
And I hope she buys it
Because those phrases are nothing but lies.
Maybe one day you’ll realize that breaking hearts is no way to make a living in this world.
You’ve made failed relationships your profession so effortlessly.
Tell me, does it pay well? And will it ever end?
Maybe one day you will realize that you can’t mend your broken heart
With shards of all the others
College is Meant for This
Something in your eyes just didn’t seem right
And as I crossed the expanse in your room
That separated me and you,
“This is it, this is over,” you said.
And as you stood there
Filling my head with failed dreams,
I felt my eyes form pools that
Were filling too quickly and
In that very instant I turned from you
Let my footsteps drown out your speech…
I stopped at the door as the rivers crashed down my cheeks
Turned back to you and wiped those streaks
Out of my mouth flew pieces of my breaking heart
“Thanks for nothing,
You meant everything to me.”
Morning Thoughts
Sunlight scatters my dreams
Waking me from slumber
Next to me your breath is quiet
I smile to myself
You look so peaceful, so beautiful,
So perfect.
The sight of you makes me want
To stop time in its place
So I could be in this moment forever
You by my side
Sharing the same air as mine
Our hearts synchronizing their beats
Your eyes closed to view sweet dreams
Every day I’m falling even more in love
With you.
Things We'll Never Know
We’ll be here until the end of time
But I can’t see past today
This morning I fell out of love
But tonight I will return
I always do.
I am entranced by your eyes and
Your way of thinking.
We’ll flow forever in
Maybes
And always question why but
We’ll die never knowing.
We won’t be bothered by our disregard
For each other
Because imagining the possibilities
Is more fun anyway…
We find joy in the pain we cause ourselves
These are our lives.
Played out by our days,
And the moments we spend together
(Not together in a material sense
But in nearness)
Together
Wanting for everything
But acting on nothing
We’ll be here until the end of time.
Soulmates
I’ve bled my heart dry
In thinking of this
Emotions are staggering and
I’ve lost my drive to try
For every two steps forward
We’re taking five steps back
Stop asking me to break myself in half
For things that don’t exist
We’ll always look at each other
The same way
I’ll fall in love with you all over again
Every time I see you
Every day, the same way
I wish I could just stay grounded
But I lift off every time
Take a trip into your eyes
And my heart remains bled dry
My blood is on your hands
But you soak it up and
Run with it
Not a killer at all but
A carrier for my independence
A piece of me
Flowing through your veins
And I am living through you
And while separate
We are one.
I'll Hide Forever in Fake Smiles
I’ve come to realize that happiness will only ever be found
Within myself.
I’ll hate you for the rest of our lives because you
Compromise my smiles
Instead of instigating them
That which you, after all, should do
You love me, don’t you?
And isn’t that what lovers do?
Make each other smile? Laugh?
Give each other a shoulder to lean on
And pleasures to make each other giddy?
You love me, don’t you?
If you do, then I don’t think I quite understand your actions.
You’d make me cry before a smile ever broke across my tear-streaked face
Because that’s just you
You’ll never make any kind of effort to make me happy
I’ll just have to do it myself.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
*~*The End of it All*~*
(for the one who only exists now in my dreams...)
You didn’t want any of it anymore.
You said you were done with it
And I agreed
But we never really were…
We just kept on going on with our lives.
Every day was the same.
“Same shit, different day”
You always said.
“I’m done with this, all of it”
And from the both of us
“We can’t take it anymore.”
But we did.
We popped pills and
Smoked marijuana cigarettes and
Drank the scotch your dad kept in his “private” liquor cabinet…
Whatever we could do to escape
From our “shitty” lives
And live in an alternate universe we created
With drugs.
School came and went and
Every day was the same.
You kept saying you were done with it,
And I agreed.
But then…
You really were done.
I never knew how much you’d meant it
Until that day.
When I heard, my throat closed tight
So I couldn’t agree with you like I always had…
I didn’t mean it as much as you did.
I never thought about it like you did.
I didn’t want out as much as you did.
Your mother called mine hysterical when it was all over…
When you staked your claim with your own bitter end.
I broke down on my knees in the kitchen
A mayonnaise-covered knife in one hand
Clutching my stomach with my other.
I felt so nauseous.
For a split second I wondered how my blood would look
Smeared with mayonnaise
But the thought was too much and
I wretched, right there in my kitchen
On the tile floors that perfectly matched the curtains in the windows
And the plates in the cabinets.
My mother’s attempt at a perfect life…
A veil we could all hide underneath
When we couldn’t take it anymore.
When the time came for my last goodbye
I chose my words carefully.
“I’m sorry for not bringing flowers,” I said.
Forgive me for not wanting to make something so ugly
Look beautiful
Like everyone else was trying to do.
“Why did you go without me,” I asked
“Why would you leave without asking me first?”
“Why would you stop taking it without me?”
And the tears I’d been holding back
All those years of not wanting to take it threatened to spill over
Onto my unsuspecting cheeks…
But I knew the answer to my questions…
You were done with it.
And I knew as I walked away from you that day that
I’d never hear those words from your mouth again, and
Your frozen eyes would never again light up with life
And we would never have each other like we did before…
You were done with it.
And I was left
By myself.
Same shit, different day.
Only now my days Would be hopelessly void of you.
(for the one who only exists now in my dreams...)
You didn’t want any of it anymore.
You said you were done with it
And I agreed
But we never really were…
We just kept on going on with our lives.
Every day was the same.
“Same shit, different day”
You always said.
“I’m done with this, all of it”
And from the both of us
“We can’t take it anymore.”
But we did.
We popped pills and
Smoked marijuana cigarettes and
Drank the scotch your dad kept in his “private” liquor cabinet…
Whatever we could do to escape
From our “shitty” lives
And live in an alternate universe we created
With drugs.
School came and went and
Every day was the same.
You kept saying you were done with it,
And I agreed.
But then…
You really were done.
I never knew how much you’d meant it
Until that day.
When I heard, my throat closed tight
So I couldn’t agree with you like I always had…
I didn’t mean it as much as you did.
I never thought about it like you did.
I didn’t want out as much as you did.
Your mother called mine hysterical when it was all over…
When you staked your claim with your own bitter end.
I broke down on my knees in the kitchen
A mayonnaise-covered knife in one hand
Clutching my stomach with my other.
I felt so nauseous.
For a split second I wondered how my blood would look
Smeared with mayonnaise
But the thought was too much and
I wretched, right there in my kitchen
On the tile floors that perfectly matched the curtains in the windows
And the plates in the cabinets.
My mother’s attempt at a perfect life…
A veil we could all hide underneath
When we couldn’t take it anymore.
When the time came for my last goodbye
I chose my words carefully.
“I’m sorry for not bringing flowers,” I said.
Forgive me for not wanting to make something so ugly
Look beautiful
Like everyone else was trying to do.
“Why did you go without me,” I asked
“Why would you leave without asking me first?”
“Why would you stop taking it without me?”
And the tears I’d been holding back
All those years of not wanting to take it threatened to spill over
Onto my unsuspecting cheeks…
But I knew the answer to my questions…
You were done with it.
And I knew as I walked away from you that day that
I’d never hear those words from your mouth again, and
Your frozen eyes would never again light up with life
And we would never have each other like we did before…
You were done with it.
And I was left
By myself.
Same shit, different day.
Only now my days Would be hopelessly void of you.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
As I walk through the rain on this cold hard day
I know that I never could have made you stay
You saw through my lines and you called all my bluffs
Everything I did just wasn’t enough
For the times that we had and the times we forgot
I’ll cherish forever details of the lot
When you looked in my eyes and made my face smile
Now I know it was worth all the while
And all of the heartache and all of the pain
I would go through again for just one more day
But I know now that we were not destined to be
Though it takes this cold rain in my eyes just to see
Our lives are intertwined in this fascinating way
And I’ll never forget things you used to say
Days will go by and I’ll give you my love
Cuz we still fold together and fit like a glove
There is nothing better in this world than a friend
And a friendship with you I will have in the end
Nothing more I could ask for, nothing more I could give
This notion of warmth that helps me to live
With a smile on my face for the memories we made
Nothing in this world for those would I trade
I’ll give you my hand so that you can see
I’m so thankful for all that you’ve done for me
Come with me tonight and we’ll discover ways to be tragic
Throw away the past cuz the future’s all that matters
And all that we can change
When I look into your eyes I forget where I am
Where it is I’m going and just how I’ll get there
You break me in two
You build me up and break me down unconventionally
In ways that no one has done before or ever will
Ways I hate admitting
Come with me tonight and we’ll ride the stars to another galaxy
And make believe that things we see in our deepest dreams
Really do come true
Let’s realize that there is no real way to ruin a truly great thing
And that what we have between us is so breathtaking
It’s bound to be eternal
I love it when you’re dirty and
You tell me things that hurt me
When I look into your eyes and see
The person that I used to be
For all of this I’m falling down
Pretending that you’ve figured me out
Doesn’t make me any better
And I don’t know quite how I got here
But soon enough I’ll know
Where it is I need to go
I know that I never could have made you stay
You saw through my lines and you called all my bluffs
Everything I did just wasn’t enough
For the times that we had and the times we forgot
I’ll cherish forever details of the lot
When you looked in my eyes and made my face smile
Now I know it was worth all the while
And all of the heartache and all of the pain
I would go through again for just one more day
But I know now that we were not destined to be
Though it takes this cold rain in my eyes just to see
Our lives are intertwined in this fascinating way
And I’ll never forget things you used to say
Days will go by and I’ll give you my love
Cuz we still fold together and fit like a glove
There is nothing better in this world than a friend
And a friendship with you I will have in the end
Nothing more I could ask for, nothing more I could give
This notion of warmth that helps me to live
With a smile on my face for the memories we made
Nothing in this world for those would I trade
I’ll give you my hand so that you can see
I’m so thankful for all that you’ve done for me
Come with me tonight and we’ll discover ways to be tragic
Throw away the past cuz the future’s all that matters
And all that we can change
When I look into your eyes I forget where I am
Where it is I’m going and just how I’ll get there
You break me in two
You build me up and break me down unconventionally
In ways that no one has done before or ever will
Ways I hate admitting
Come with me tonight and we’ll ride the stars to another galaxy
And make believe that things we see in our deepest dreams
Really do come true
Let’s realize that there is no real way to ruin a truly great thing
And that what we have between us is so breathtaking
It’s bound to be eternal
I love it when you’re dirty and
You tell me things that hurt me
When I look into your eyes and see
The person that I used to be
For all of this I’m falling down
Pretending that you’ve figured me out
Doesn’t make me any better
And I don’t know quite how I got here
But soon enough I’ll know
Where it is I need to go
Monday, November 08, 2004
I haven't titled these yet because I just wrote them...a spontaneous word flow came to me in class today...but I wanted to post them anyway.
And there it is...inspiration.
November 8, 2004
And there it is...inspiration.
November 8, 2004
I sit
Alone
And I'll always be alone
Because alone is where I'm safe
Alone is where I'm free
I'll always be alone
Because you're never here with me
I can't spend the rest of my life
Waiting to be good enough
(If I'm not there now, I'll never be)
You know that
Or I think you do
Maybe you're just afraid to tell me
Of hurting me and my feelings
That's when I hate you
It's not supposed to be easy
Or void of pain
Or void of emotion
IT'S BEING IN LOVE
AND EXPERIENCING IT FOR WHAT IT IS
For how it flows
I'll sit
Alone
Always
Because you think too much
And alone I am too much
For your thoughts to contain
And your head to handle
~**~
I have lost myself somehow
And I'm not sure where I went
But it'd be nice to find me again.
If you see me, can you tell me to come home?
If you see me, can you tell me to come home?
Because I'm lost without myself.
I'm lost when you tell me things that mean the world
Because the girl I am now can't handle these thoughts.
She's naive and dependent and unsure of her abilities.
You stare as I write
And like a schoolgirl I foolishly cover my words with my hand
Fearing you'll discover that every letter is for you
And because of you
And then the embarrasment comes
And I'll giggle
(inside)
Because it's a chase
And a game that we'll play for the rest of our lives
Or at least until I find myself again
I'm so lost right now
But at least the self I didn't lose
Still knows
That
I love you
~**~
Make it mine all over again and we'll fly to a higher place
Somewhere we can run as one but be still independently free
In your eyes I melt to the floor but rise to the sky all at once
In your gaze I am finding something within myself
A deep dark secret that hides me away from the world
I want to scream at you and tell you how you affect me
But I'll never do that
Because I'm too afraid to lose what I already have
Here I am already accepting what's there
That the look in your eyes pauses my footsteps and
Catches my breath in my chest
So my heart stops
And for that second I am not living on earth but in heaven
So for all intents and purposes you kill me with your stare
But I wouldn't have it any other way
To die not by your hands but by your eyes
Because if death comes from that then death is what I want
A painless euphoria that I could only hope for
And yearn to receive
And it only comes to me from you
Or so it is I believe
In these days your expressions bind me softly to my death bed
And pass me gently into that other world
A world of bliss and happiness
A world worth the death of the one I now know
It happens by your gaze
That which I know kills me and always will
Living more than nine lives
You have made me immortal
Passing between eternities to experience
Death and life
All at once
So kiss me goodbye and I'll fade away
Dying with pleasure from your ever warm presence
Painlessly leaving a life I cannot hope to have
A pull that is too much
So much that it scares me
But then I look into the dark pools of your eyes
Feel the weight being lifted from my heart
And calmly retreat to my death
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Wasted
Pulling at my hair
I try screaming your name
But my voice just gives way
There'll be no compromise this time
Raindrops fall on skin
And I'm dripping sorrows
You'll be dead to me tomorrow
And we'll all but turn to dust
My head hangs low
We took one last trip then died
Yeah and it was always you who never tried
Smiles in photographs so vain, so wrong
What a waste of this thing called life
And this spectacle known as time
That we've got so little of
You took more than I could give
What a waste of my heart
What a waste of my love
What a waste
(And all for nothing)
Moonlight makes me glow
Treadmarks shining on my bones
Footprints fading to scars I own
Reminders of your level of regard for me
Sunrise passes over
I wake again from sleep
A world void of you still unreal to me
The sky covered in clouds, no sun to warm my face
Cold sets in and I
Remind myself to breathe
You were the one who chose to leave
Now I'm picking up shards from a heart torn to pieces
(All alone I fall to the ground
You were the one I set my life around)
Pulling at my hair
I try screaming your name
But my voice just gives way
There'll be no compromise this time
Raindrops fall on skin
And I'm dripping sorrows
You'll be dead to me tomorrow
And we'll all but turn to dust
My head hangs low
We took one last trip then died
Yeah and it was always you who never tried
Smiles in photographs so vain, so wrong
What a waste of this thing called life
And this spectacle known as time
That we've got so little of
You took more than I could give
What a waste of my heart
What a waste of my love
What a waste
(And all for nothing)
Moonlight makes me glow
Treadmarks shining on my bones
Footprints fading to scars I own
Reminders of your level of regard for me
Sunrise passes over
I wake again from sleep
A world void of you still unreal to me
The sky covered in clouds, no sun to warm my face
Cold sets in and I
Remind myself to breathe
You were the one who chose to leave
Now I'm picking up shards from a heart torn to pieces
(All alone I fall to the ground
You were the one I set my life around)
Friday, March 26, 2004
For a particular someone...
January 11, 2004
So Now You Know
If today were the last of my life
I would want you to know
How you’ve affected me
And changed my life in ways I can’t explain
The movements that you make
And the inspirations you’ve bestowed upon me
The luck I’ve had in knowing you…
I’ll bow out with a gleam in my eyes
Only because I’ve had you
Brief moments suspended in time
That for me will never fade
Even in my death
These fateful feelings we have encountered
Are beyond my wildest dreams
You’ve taught me so much
I just want you to know that
I’ll die tomorrow knowing
I’ve come such a long way because of you
But I still have so far to go
Life is precious
Though not guaranteed
And there’s no room for regret
Only appreciation for our blessings
That which you are to me…
I cannot call you anything less
Your eyes will stay with me for all time
Immortal in a world so lacking of things eternal
You let me inside by those eyes
Beams of light into your soul
Showing me things I’ve never known
Beautiful things I’ve never seen
Looking at you now you still take me on those trips
From time to time
Bringing me up to some natural high
You are amazing
You are stellar
And in my voyage away from this lowly place
You’ll be the high point I will cherish
Filled with passion along with fury
A perfect mix of emotion and feeling
From my starry place above I will one day
Look down upon your life
Be filled with pride for who you have become
And what you’ve done with your gifts
Smile in remembrance
For the time spent on Earth with you
Your magic and your power
And the way you’d always know
Just what to say
If anything at all
My eyes will sting with tears
My heart will burst in two
With the happiness I will feel for you
There’s so much to you that I would say
If tomorrow was my last day
Stains from Tears
The last drip of wine from my glass resembles that which falls from my eyes
Blood red with pain yet ending with bittersweet assumptions
Knowing that from this last stream of consciousness I will be rid of you
Your memory, your being, and the aura that surrounds us in moments we once shared
In a life where nothing is eternal, I am always learning
Pain and strength will forever be a two-act play
Held together by situations we cannot begin to control
And Feelings we cannot argue
January 11, 2004
So Now You Know
If today were the last of my life
I would want you to know
How you’ve affected me
And changed my life in ways I can’t explain
The movements that you make
And the inspirations you’ve bestowed upon me
The luck I’ve had in knowing you…
I’ll bow out with a gleam in my eyes
Only because I’ve had you
Brief moments suspended in time
That for me will never fade
Even in my death
These fateful feelings we have encountered
Are beyond my wildest dreams
You’ve taught me so much
I just want you to know that
I’ll die tomorrow knowing
I’ve come such a long way because of you
But I still have so far to go
Life is precious
Though not guaranteed
And there’s no room for regret
Only appreciation for our blessings
That which you are to me…
I cannot call you anything less
Your eyes will stay with me for all time
Immortal in a world so lacking of things eternal
You let me inside by those eyes
Beams of light into your soul
Showing me things I’ve never known
Beautiful things I’ve never seen
Looking at you now you still take me on those trips
From time to time
Bringing me up to some natural high
You are amazing
You are stellar
And in my voyage away from this lowly place
You’ll be the high point I will cherish
Filled with passion along with fury
A perfect mix of emotion and feeling
From my starry place above I will one day
Look down upon your life
Be filled with pride for who you have become
And what you’ve done with your gifts
Smile in remembrance
For the time spent on Earth with you
Your magic and your power
And the way you’d always know
Just what to say
If anything at all
My eyes will sting with tears
My heart will burst in two
With the happiness I will feel for you
There’s so much to you that I would say
If tomorrow was my last day
Stains from Tears
The last drip of wine from my glass resembles that which falls from my eyes
Blood red with pain yet ending with bittersweet assumptions
Knowing that from this last stream of consciousness I will be rid of you
Your memory, your being, and the aura that surrounds us in moments we once shared
In a life where nothing is eternal, I am always learning
Pain and strength will forever be a two-act play
Held together by situations we cannot begin to control
And Feelings we cannot argue
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Candlelight illumination creates
Shadows on my face and
Steamlines down my body
This sensitive glow takes my mind
To a better place
Where these feelings are so powerful
That they fill me to the brim
And I overflow with bursts of ecstasy
And I wish you could be here
With this light touching your face
Glinting in your eyes and
Creating a path my fingers can trace
So our desires may be made one
In this single fusion of sorts
I wish I could capture this moment forever
And never forget the way I'm feeling now
My eyes are stinging with fresh tears
The kind I love to let down
The feeling pours from the creases of my eyes
Down my cheeks
And onto your shirt.
You're crying, too,
And your tears fall into my hair
Showering me with all of your love.
These nights of bare skin and your sweetness
Make me wish the sun would cease to come up...
If I could get one extra hour I'd still want another
So I could keep you here for all time
Hands on my back and your mouth on mine...
The world around us could fall apart
And I don't think I'd know the difference
I want to capture you in my mind forever
And never forget the way I'm feeling now
Shadows on my face and
Steamlines down my body
This sensitive glow takes my mind
To a better place
Where these feelings are so powerful
That they fill me to the brim
And I overflow with bursts of ecstasy
And I wish you could be here
With this light touching your face
Glinting in your eyes and
Creating a path my fingers can trace
So our desires may be made one
In this single fusion of sorts
I wish I could capture this moment forever
And never forget the way I'm feeling now
My eyes are stinging with fresh tears
The kind I love to let down
The feeling pours from the creases of my eyes
Down my cheeks
And onto your shirt.
You're crying, too,
And your tears fall into my hair
Showering me with all of your love.
These nights of bare skin and your sweetness
Make me wish the sun would cease to come up...
If I could get one extra hour I'd still want another
So I could keep you here for all time
Hands on my back and your mouth on mine...
The world around us could fall apart
And I don't think I'd know the difference
I want to capture you in my mind forever
And never forget the way I'm feeling now
